Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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