you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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