Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
