Having a random hookup so left but love u
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
