Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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