how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
