I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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