I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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