oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
