i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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