and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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