so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
