he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
