3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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