Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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