i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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