Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
