don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
whose parrot is this?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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