On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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