I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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