its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
