Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
