Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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