you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize