i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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