: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
