you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
