i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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