I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
