i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Sponge bath it is.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Randomize
