Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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