Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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