walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
