this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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