guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
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all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
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We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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