I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
