I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
