I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
