so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
