So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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