Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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