nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
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