I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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