I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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