You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
