This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
