I need help removing her.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
it was like his penis was on wheels.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
