i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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