WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
