today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
