these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
