Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
