You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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