I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
