i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
