Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
