we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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