remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
