What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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