my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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