it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
FUCK WHALES
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
