You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
