I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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