this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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